TEAM SELECTION

I came across this article in a national sports paper recently and thought readers might be interested, what with the Champions League and all.

HAGUE DETERMINED TO SIT OUT IT AND SEE IT THROUGH!
By our sports correspondent.

It was a bright Thursday morning and I was looking forward to meeting and interviewing two of the leading lights of a local sports community.
I pulled into St Vignoles ground just after early morning training and was greeted by the daunting presence of the manager Clint Hague. He waddled towards me on his stocky little legs and with a sweeping gesture beckoned me inside. “This knee’s giving me some jip” he said. “An old injury picked-up playing abroad”

We entered the board room and I was offered a steaming mug of tea.
Before I could put a second lump of sugar in my tea we were joined by Braiin Na Gibrish, the billionaire chairman of the board. “Good morning” he thundered, “It’s good to have you here”.
I asked Na Gibrish what he saw as the future of St Vignoles.”
“Future?” he responded, “We don’t talk about futures here, only now and the past. The futures for them with nothing better to think about”. He laughed out loud. “No only joking” he said. “Of course the future is important to us, why just the other day...” He was cut short by Hague, “What do you mean by the future?” he asked
I decided to move on. “Since coming to the club, there have been a number of changes; can you outline your strategy and the reasons? For example, it was widely recognised that St Vignoles had a very talented, creative midfield, and an enviable attack renowned for their flair and ability, but they have all been sold. Was this to raise cash for new signings, or did it mark a new direction for the club?
Hague glowered at me. “Creative, Flair, What’s that got to do with football? Nah here we got rid of what we didn’t need and got in some bright young things who are learning the new approach”. So called experienced players are trouble. Some of them even thought they knew better than me. Can you believe that? “When I came here it was like a great big party. Everybody was joking around, laughing and in and out of the club all the time. I soon put a stop to all that nonsense. We’re running a football club not a bloody circus.
“So what are you plans for next season? I asked. Do you plan any new signings? Hague looked across at Na Giberish and said, “If I get the dosh I’ll probably have to bring in some more players in the summer. Mind you the wages bill is well down on what it was when I first came, too many big earners. It’s what you get when players stay at a club for a long time”. We have had a lot of success here and we are proud that the elevation of a number of members of staff from the boot room to the first team has worked-out really well.
“Questions, questions, questions, what’s all these questions?” snapped Na Gibrish.
I explained that I was merely trying to find out what made the club tick. I moved on. I asked if Signing Clint was seen by some as a quite dramatic move, what qualities had attracted the board to him.
“Qualities” laughed Na Gibrish, “We don’t need qualities and anyway he didn’t have none”. He chortled. “We needed a manager and we needed one quick. Clint came along and we never looked back. We had been without a manager for about 10 years and the club was falling apart. Yes we had some lucky spells in that time, but nothing to write home about. Now Clint has built his team based on new players which he is going to mould, either that or out. We don’t have room for anyone what questions Clint’s vision. Blimey that sounded posh didn’t it? He laughed again. “The fans don’t want airy-fairy do-gooders running the club, they want someone who can instil a bit of discipline, yeah and shout a bit when needs to” Since I took over as chairman things have started to happen here. .
I asked if Hague’s previous record at his old clubs had been a feature in the choice. “Oh no” said Na Gibrish. “We didn’t even know he’d been at any previous clubs and anyway when we found out that both of his previous clubs had been relegated we weren’t bothered. We asked Clint and he gave us a perfectly reasonable answer. ‘Bad fans’ and he was right. How can a club go forward if the fans are always moaning. We have a lot of moaning minnies here, you’ll be surprised to hear, but we don’t let them bother us, do we Clint? It’s really simple, if you don’t like it, push-off there’s plenty of other clubs you can support. We now run a zero tolerance to fans at this club”.
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Hague nodded in agreement and added “The manager and the board are the ones what run the club.
“Mind you” Na Giberish intervened, “ We don’t really need the board. Me and Clint can handle things here very well. In fact most of the other board members are just making-up the numbers, those that stay that is. ” Na Gibrish then winked and in a low voice said “ Me and Clint, we run a book on whose going next. We were thinking of doing ‘how many days will they last’” He gave me a nudge that nearly knocked me over and burst into laughter.
I asked Na Giberish about his plans for a new stadium. He sighed and groaned. “We was all set up. Everything was going great. Sammy Madras, a board member had it all worked-out. Then it got kicked into touch when do-gooders and busy-bodies started sticking their noses in. It would have been a marvellous reflection on the way the club is run. Now we’ll have to wait on another opportunity, I’m sure it will come.
I asked if they were still receiving assistance from the games’ governing body. It is common knowledge that for some time representatives from the Suite FA had been sitting-in on all meeting of the board. Na Giberish smirked, “We don’t need ’em any more, but they are always welcome. Their help and advice was invaluable in sortin out trouble makers and wayward fans and we’ve had a few of them”.Na Giberish produced a bundle of notes and held it up. Just look at all this, just some of what I’ve had to deal with. Nothin but moans from fans who don’t know when they’re well off”. I asked if I could see the notes and he snapped. “ No you can’t. this is private, I don’t even show this to the other board members”.
So, how do the management see the way forward. “ More of the same” said Haughey. “We know what’s best and we give ‘em what they need not what they like. We may not be going to Moscow this year but watch this space. We intend to be up there with the best and if it all goes pear shaped, we’ll sell the lot and build some flats. Only joking” he said.
“You must come and see us again” he added. As he was about to leave he turned, punched the air and cried out “VIGNO VIGNO VIGNO” “You see” he said smiling, “I’m a real fan.”
St Vignoles is now sitting snugly at the bottom of the Happiness League. Rumour has it that a number of players will be going this summer as the manager seeks to rebuild.